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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24109927">Starting Over</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/prongsdeer/pseuds/prongsdeer'>prongsdeer</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Fluff, Light Angst, Morning Sex, One Night Stands, POV Steve Rogers, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Shameless Smut, Smut, mention of past abusive relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-03 01:00:21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,877</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24109927</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/prongsdeer/pseuds/prongsdeer</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After Thanos, Steve tries his best to move on, but it isn’t easy to drop the mantle he had to carry for so many years. His mission now is to find himself again; to live and enjoy life as he always wanted to. With all the loss behind him, it doesn’t always go smoothly, but he knows he has to try. If not for himself, then for those who sacrificed themselves so he can be here now.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Steve Rogers/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>88</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I’m very excited about this one, so I hope you’ll enjoy it too! It’s going to be shorter than my other stories, probably no more than four of five chapters. This story is from Steve’s point of view from start to finish and is written in third person.<br/>Thank you for reading &amp; commenting ♡</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In the past eight months since Steve had given the shield to Sam, he finally had the time to do whatever he wanted to do. Plenty of time. <em>Too much time. </em></p>
<p></p><div class="">
  <p>He was never the kind of person who could sit on his hands. It was a force of habit. Even all those years ago, back before the war, when the world used to be much slower than nowadays, Steve could rarely find a day with nothing to do. When he wasn’t at school, he went to work. He took any kind of job they hired him for, no matter how exhausting it was or how little they paid for it. Steve was glad to help his mother, and even though he was tired to the bone quite often, he cherished those days when he was able to work instead of laying in bed, wondering that perhaps he wouldn't see the light of day again. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Every so often he would think about the future. Steve wasn’t naive—he knew there was a chance his weak body would give in and deprive him of reaching any of his goals, but what harm would a little daydreaming do? Sometimes, that was all he had. He dreamed about finding the love of his life, settling down, having a few kids and growing old. Like any other person. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Never in his wildest dreams had he dared to imagine things would turn out the way they did. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>From time to time, Steve still found himself dwelling on the past, but he wasn’t sad anymore—at least not in the way he used to be. He was nostalgic. His mind wandered back to simpler days, but now he realized that they weren’t perfect, either. To Steve, it took agonizingly long years to accept that there was no going back, but once he did, it was as if he breathed in fresh air for the first time in a hundred years. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>But accepting something and acting on it were two completely different things. Steve tried his best to change and move on, but it wasn’t easy to drop the mantle he had to carry for so many years. He gladly gave the shield to Sam, but the persona of Captain America wasn’t something he could just strip off. It was not only a part of his life; for decades, it was who he was. No one remembered that scrawny kid from Brooklyn and very few made an effort to see past his uniform. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Steve’s mission now was to find himself again; to live and enjoy the life he had always wished for. With all the loss behind him, it didn’t always go smoothly, but he knew he had to try. If not for himself, then for those who sacrificed themselves so he could be here now. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Dude,” Sam’s voice shook Steve out of his thoughts, leaning closer and resting his elbow on the bar. “You’re kind of missing the point by sitting here alone. You could’ve just stayed at home.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Oh, really? Like I told you I wanted to?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Sam ordered a few drinks, before turning back to his friend. “You said you wanted to live your life.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I know and I am,” Steve said firmly, and he wasn’t lying. He bought all the art supplies he never used to have the money for and spent the majority of his time with drawing and painting. He travelled and explored new places, though he rarely stayed away from New York for more than a week. He had tried to learn how to cook, failed miserably, but found out he was pretty good at baking. He went to museums, theatres, cinemas and concerts. Steve was never bored, but he was always alone. “It’s just… still not really my thing.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He looked around the place. It was an ordinary Irish pub, only a lot more crowded than the ones he had visited before. His eyes fell on the booth they had reserved earlier, and a smile lifted the corner of his lips when he saw how easily Bucky talked to the people Sam had invited to go out with them tonight. Steve wasn’t delusional—he knew Bucky would never be the same person he grew up with, but he wasn’t what Hydra made of him either; not anymore. He was different and yet all the same, and despite what the two of them had to go through, they both knew the bond they shared would never break. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I know you’ve tried a couple things lately, but I know for sure there’s <em>one </em>you haven’t done enough of.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“And what’s that?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Steve was prepared to hear one of those wise, heartfelt speeches that Sam was so good at, but instead, his friend merely smirked, before turning his back at him.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Hey, I’m Sam. Nice to meet you.” Steve heard as he introduced himself to someone, but the bar was too crowded to see who he was talking to. He turned back to his beer, taking a sip and nearly choking on it while he was listening to Sam’s voice. “Have you met Steve? No? Well then, I’ll just leave you two to each other.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Before Steve had a chance to open his mouth, Sam collected the drinks he had bought and disappeared—leaving him alone with the strange woman. An unarguably beautiful, strange woman. What a shame he felt too embarrassed to hold her gaze for long.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“That was…”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Lame, I know,” he finished her sentence, shaking his head before he looked up at her. “I’m sorry.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“It’s only awkward if you make it awkward,” she smiled, sitting up on the empty stool Sam left between them. “I’m Y/N. My friends call me Bunny though.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Bunny?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Yeah. It’s a long story.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He nodded and decided to drop the subject. She sounded nonchalant, but there was something in her tone, a tiny shift, that told him that she wouldn’t like to talk about it. “I’m Steve.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I know,” she said, and Steve felt a pang of disappointment deep in his chest. In the past few months he had grown out his hair and his beard, believing people wouldn’t recognize him so easily. After all, it had worked well when he was on the run. He knew it wasn’t the perfect disguise, but at least strangers tended to walk past him more often. “Your wingman just told me.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Steve couldn’t help but let out a relieved chuckle, clinging to that last string of hope that she didn’t know who he was. He just wanted to be a normal guy, doing normal things—if not for longer, then just for one night. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Long seconds passed in silence. It wasn’t exactly uncomfortable, but it felt strange, and Steve felt obliged to say something. He didn’t go out and meet new people very often, and he would be lying if he said it didn’t make him feel at least a little nervous. It didn’t help to make the situation any less awkward that people around the bar kept bumping into them, pushing them closer to each other. One part of Steve screamed at him to scurry away before he would make an even bigger fool of himself, but he wanted to stay and get to know her. Perhaps his inexperience made him feel shy and helpless sometimes, but he would be damned if he ever let his fears stop him.</p>
</div><div class=""><p>“Can I get you something to drink?”</p>
<hr/></div><div class="">
  <p>Steve didn’t think that spending time with someone he just met could go so smooth and easy, but he felt like they had known each other since forever. It was such a cliché. Being a very private and reserved person, he didn’t believe it was possible to connect with someone so fast, but she made him re-evaluate his beliefs very quickly. It also elevated Steve’s mood that she didn’t know who he was—or if she did, she showed no sign of it. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Don’t take this in the wrong way, but…” she started, eyes narrowed. “You look a little out of place.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>That made Steve squirm in his seat. He knew she probably didn’t mean anything bad by what she said, but he wished she hadn’t pointed it out. Steve had felt nothing but out of place and time in the past decade, and he hated that despite his best efforts, it was still written all over him. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She must have noticed that her words made him uncomfortable, because she immediately apologized. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—it just seems to me that you’d rather be anywhere else.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Steve breathed in deeply and took a few moments to collect himself. He had to stop letting his past cast a shadow over his future, poisoning every second of his present. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“That’s because I am,” he said, taking a sip of his beer. “I don’t really like these noisy and crowded places.” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“What are you doing here, then?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“My friend talked me into it. He says I need to socialize more.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“And you’re already regretting it, aren’t you?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Steve bowed his head with a smile, before giving her a long, piercing look. “Well, maybe not anymore.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He found it adorable and even a little sensual as she bit her bottom lip to hide the grin his words caused. The emotions that the little gesture awakened deep inside him reminded Steve what he had been missing out on. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Do you want to dance?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Steve’s jaw dropped as the question caught him off guard. “That’s… not a good idea.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Why not?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I’m not really a dancer.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Please?” She slipped off the stool, tilted her head and looked up at Steve with pleading eyes that sent butterflies scattering around his stomach. <em>How could he say no?</em> “If you’ll be that bad, I’ll be the one to stop you.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Fine,” Steve gave in, standing from the stool. “But I can’t dance to this song.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I thought you said you couldn’t dance to anything,” she said, and before Steve could react, she was already well on her way to the jukebox.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>The pub didn’t have an actual dance floor—it just had an empty space people decided to use for it. As the first chords of the slow song filled the room, the few people who were there decided to head back to their tables. The chattering and laughter that made the place so loud didn’t bother Steve this time; if anything, it helped to calm his nerves. At least he didn’t feel like everyone’s eyes were on him. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She put her hands around his neck when they reached each other again, and suddenly, Steve felt hyper-aware of his every move. His palms on her waist, barely touching. The movement of his legs, feeling unnaturally slow and heavy, as if there were weights tied to his ankles. He cast his eyes down to check on them, but he lifted his gaze back when he heard her chuckle. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“You’re not going to step on my feet, are you?</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I hope not.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She smiled and inched forward, bringing their bodies closer to each other. As Steve felt himself relaxing, his hands slipped to her back; his feather-light touch tightening a little with every passing second. He caught a whiff of her perfume, something sweet and flowery, drawing him in. His nose brushed against her hair and he closed his eyes while they continued gently swaying to the soft melodies. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“For someone who claims to be a bad dancer,” she said quietly, “you’re pretty good at it.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Steve’s heart, which nearly beat out of his chest less than a minute ago, now slowly went back to normal. He found her voice and her presence so soothing, he didn’t understand how he could <em>not </em>want to do this in the first place. <em>Was he supposed to experience such intense emotions with a woman he barely knew?</em> He genuinely didn’t know the answer. Maybe it was nothing more than raw attraction, but it had been so long since he last felt anything remotely close to this; so long since he had <em>allowed </em>himself to feel this way. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>But while he danced with her, melting against each other, Steve thought this was exactly how everything he did should make him feel. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>The song ended too soon and they pulled away, even though neither of them really wanted to. Something changed, and Steve knew he wasn’t the only one who felt it. It was harder to hold each other’s gaze, feeling like they were burning a hole in the other’s soul with every stolen glance. The air was thick and heavy, and Steve thought only a kiss on her lips could help him to breathe. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>The thought made his skin warm and he quickly offered to buy something to drink again. She made a joke about how she hoped he wasn’t planning on getting her drunk, and Steve loved how effortlessly she calmed him down. Apparently, she had an affect on him that alcohol didn’t. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>The pub was still busy and she barely took her drink from Steve when someone roughly bumped into her on his way back from the bar, causing her to spill most of the liquid out. More landed on the ground and on her hands than on her clothes, but the guy made no effort to at least apologize.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Hey!” Steve yelled after him, but it was like talking to a brick wall. He made a motion to go after the man, but when he felt a soft touch around his forearm, he stopped.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Don’t pick a fight with drunken idiots,” she said, seemingly not mad at all. “It isn’t worth it.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He clenched his jaw and cast one last deadly glance at the guy, before he sighed and turned back to her. She put her now empty glass back on the bar, wiping her hands with a cocktail napkin. “I’ll get you another one.”</p>
</div><div class=""><p>“Steve,” she said before he could speak to the bartender, drawing his attention. “Do you want to get out of here?”</p>
<hr/></div><div class="">
  <p>Steve wasn’t sure how he ended up in her apartment. He wanted to take a long walk with her, someplace quiet where they could actually talk, then call it a night. Despite enjoying this evening more than anything else in the past few months, Steve was ready to say goodbye to her when they reached the building she lived at. He knew Sam and Bucky would both kick his ass the next day when he told them, but being with her felt so great and it was so perfect; he didn’t want to ruin it. And if Steve had learned something through the years, it was that in some ways, things had always gone down the hill. Why would this time be any different? </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>But somewhere along the short walk between the pub and her apartment, all reasonable and rational thoughts went out of the window. He said something that made her laugh in the quiet night and the sound made him catch her hand, pulling her close to capture her lips with his. It was dizzying. Intoxicating. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>The rest of the walk passed in a blur. Steve remembered picking his pace up, as if they were in a hurry. The hard, blazing look she gave him. Her giggles when he peppered kisses down her cheek and her jawline while she tried to open the lock. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He only stopped for a moment when he was in her bedroom, some of their clothes already scattered around the house. This was definitely not how Steve expected the night to go—not like he had any reason to complain. It was so rare when he could turn his always noisy brain off; he loved and embraced every moment of it. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Never breaking the kiss, her fingers made quick work on the buttons of his navy plaid shirt. She pushed the garment open, her palms following its way as she slowly slid it down his arms. Steve shuddered at her warm, gentle touch; his own grip tightening on her hips. Her eyes drank him in, kiss-swollen lips parted as she admired his sculpted body.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>After he had already taken her shirt off in the living room, he was peeling her out of her bra now, giving himself a mental pat on the back for getting the clasp open on the first try. He pulled her into him, a shiver running up along his spine when he felt the press of her soft breasts and hardened nipples against his chest. Steve cradled her cheek, swiping his thumb across her bottom lip while he kissed her jawline, down her neck, searching for her most sensitive spots. It was easy to find them. His enhanced senses made him notice every silent moan, skipped or increased heartbeat; every little twitch and tiny goosebump. Pleasure made her toes curl and she swayed on her feet, leaning her weight on him for support.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She yelped when he lifted her up, chuckling against his mouth while he carried her to the bed. Steve ached to feel more of her so he hastily unbuttoned her jeans, yanking them down and tossing them away. He slid his hands from her knees to her thighs and she parted her legs, letting Steve to fall between them. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He smiled, voice gentle and concerned at the same time when he spoke,</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Are you sure about this?” She gave no sign of doubt, but Steve still felt like he should ask. An eager yes was all she said, arms wrapped around him as she pulled him down for a hungry kiss. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Every inch of him burned with need, craving to taste and feel more and more of her. A strong hand wandering up and down her body, Steve continued kissing her neck. He enjoyed the sensation of her fingers, combing back loose strands of dark blond hair that kept falling over his forehead. She tightened her knees at either side of his hips, lifting her own to rub against him where she yearned to feel him the most. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She laughed as his beard tickled the delicate skin of her boobs, but he quickly turned it into a moan when he slipped his hand into her underwear. It was the moment when the red-hot mist of lust clouded Steve’s brain; when he knew he had to have her. The sweet sounds of pleasure she made, the feel of the warm, slippery folds on the tip of his fingers, and the way she rocked her hips into his hand drove him crazy. <em>When was the last time breathing felt so hard?</em> His cock throbbed with want, begging to be freed from his pants and slide deep inside her warmth. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Steve.” His name sounded like a plea, falling quietly from her trembling lips. She unbuckled his belt, fiddling with the zipper of his jeans as she impatiently tried to open it up. Sitting up on his knees, Steve pulled his fingers out of her, languidly dragging them along her walls before finally pushing her panties off. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Another time, Steve would probably have taken things slower, but they were both on fire, scorching with desire; he wanted her and he wanted her <em>now</em>. He stood from the bed to get rid of the rest of his clothes, fishing a condom from his wallet and sheathing himself, before lowering himself down on top of her. He gave a nod and a questioning glance, silently asking if she still wanted this. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She nodded swiftly in answer, wrapping her legs around his small waist to pull him closer, cupping his bearded cheeks and pressing her lips to his. Steve broke the kiss and let out a shuddering breath as he slid into her slowly, inch by inch; a hot burst of pleasure spreading through him. She was so wet and so ready—her body showed very little resistance. He stayed still for a few moments, covering her neck with wet kisses while he gave her some time to adjust to his size. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>When he started moving out and back in, she whimpered and sank her nails into his shoulders. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Are you okay?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Yes. Please, Steve. Don’t stop,” she pleaded, rolling her hips; her heels digging into his butt. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>The next long minutes passed in a blur, similar to when he first kissed her on the streets. He lost his sense of time, every thought pushed aside. Steve felt lightheaded, buzzing from head to toe—every fiber in his body giving into the pleasure and screaming for more. It was all mouths and hands, tender brushes of soft lips and rough grip of firm hands. Steve wanted to tell her how good she felt, how good she <em>made him feel</em>, but his words turned into grunts every time he tried to speak. Her little moans, desperate and restless, filled his ears while she clung to him for dear life. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Desire made Steve so dizzy—he wasn’t even sure when it all had ended. He only knew he was lying on his back now, trying to slow down his erratic breath. His head slowly cleared, but before he could start to overthink again, he felt her nuzzling her still hot, sweat-soaked body to his. She looked so blissed out as she rested her head on his chest; Steve couldn’t help but think that this night was worth it so much since it meant he had gotten to see that content smile on her lips. </p>
</div>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p></p><div class="">
  <p>Steve was used to waking up early. It was another habit he couldn’t seem to shake off, no matter how hard he had been trying to. He was a terrible sleeper; always had been. He dozed off late, the smallest noises made his eyes snap open, he was up before the sun, and on worse days, nightmares plagued his dreams, too. Making him exhausted enough to sleep through the whole night was nearly impossible, but thanks to the serum, he didn’t need more than a few hours of slumber to keep him well rested. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Being in an unfamiliar bed definitely didn’t help his situation. Steve was still staring at the ceiling while the woman he spent the previous night with lightly snored on his chest, and he was long awake by the time she first started to stir. He watched as her body moved, wriggling out from under the covers as she stretched her limbs. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>It crossed Steve’s mind that he should get up and leave. Maybe things between them would get too awkward after last night, maybe she didn’t even want him to be there by now. But as the dazzling rays of the morning sun kissed her smooth skin, making it look like it was glowing, the tip of Steve’s fingers itched to touch her again. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She lifted her head, squinting, casting a quick glance at Steve before she let her head fall back on her pillow. Her voice was groggy when she spoke, muffled as she nuzzled into the soft cotton.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“You’re up early.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“By this time I’m usually done with my morning run too.” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She shifted a little, eyes still closed. “If you miss your morning cardio so much, I’m pretty sure we can do something about it.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Every inch of Steve’s body reacted to her words, as if someone turned on an invisible switch inside him. He felt a shiver snaking up his spine, prickling over his scalp, making the small hairs on the back of his neck stand up. Heat pooled in his lower abdomen, sending warmth through him from head to toe. He was sure he could never get enough of this feeling; the way the sudden wave of desire made him so dizzy the entire world around him turned upside down for a second. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Steve rolled closer, pressing his lips to her bare shoulder. “You think so?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She hummed in agreement, pulling herself up to rest her weight on her elbows. Her playful smile made Steve’s heart beat faster. “But I guess you have to work hard to make up for all those missed  miles.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Steve licked his lips and moved to the nape of her neck; the wet kiss causing goosebumps breaking out all over her skin. He put his palm between her shoulder blades, his thumb drawing gentle circles.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Then let me take care of you.” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He didn’t need to tell her twice—she relaxed back into the sheets, biting her bottom lip in anticipation. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>It was different from last night. Now there was no rush, no hustle and scrumble to chase that raw desire that burned deep within the both of them. She lay on her belly, lazy and relaxed while Steve left soft, damp kisses down the length of her spine. When he reached the small of her back, he moved up again. A slip of his tongue here, a scrape of his teeth there. Her breath hitched and she squeezed her thighs tightly together, lighting Steve’s face up with a smile; he loved the effect he had on her. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I bet you’re already wet.” His lips grazed her earlobe, one hand sliding between her legs. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Her voice was calm when she spoke, but she couldn’t stop herself from lifting her hips, trying to coax his fingers closer where she wanted him the most. “Why don’t you find out?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Steve swallowed back the groan that threatened to escape his throat, pulling his arm back. “Not yet.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>A small huff left her lips, but she didn’t protest. Steve knew that his agonizingly slow, teasing pace was driving her crazy, but they both enjoyed every second of it—dragging it out as long as they could. He fisted his hand in her hair, moving the locks out of the way to expose more of her luscious skin. He lavished her neck with heated kisses, biting and licking, remembering all the spots that had made her whimper hours ago and discovering new ones that never failed to pull a moan out of her. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>His touches were languid and tender, grasping her harder at just the right places. He reached under her, fondling her breast, playing with a nipple that made her sigh a little faster, louder. When his hand finally slithered between her thighs, the need that knotted Steve’s stomach became almost painful. She was so wet and so hot, Steve thought—<em>no</em>, he <em>knew</em> that he could get off by only giving her pleasure and getting nothing in return. His nimble fingers danced around her entrance, spreading the proof of her want for him around her swollen folds. He could tell she was getting impatient; her breathing accelerating, her hips rising and falling. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>By the time he was inside her, they both felt as if they could explode right there and then. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Oh, fuck. Steve—” Her voice broke, and his name was the only thing she could say for the next several minutes. </p>
  <hr/>
</div><div class="">
  <p>This time, she didn’t move to snuggle up against him once she came down from her high. She stayed still, panting softly into the pillow, relishing in Steve’s sweet, careful touches. His hand stopped on the back of her neck, rubbing gently, which made her sink even deeper into the mattress. They lay like this for a minute, enjoying the quiet moment, until she drew in a long breath and rolled on her side.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>There was something in her that made Steve feel lightheaded by only looking at her; the mischievous glint in her eyes, the way she chewed on her bottom lip to try and fail to hide a smile. He brought his hand closer to her face, catching her chin between his fingers and tracing the line of her jaw with his thumb. “Good morning.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Good morning indeed,” she purred, sitting up on the bed and stretching her arms above her head. Steve ran his eyes down her body, admiring her naked form in the golden light that streamed in through the window. “I’m going to take a shower. Don’t disappear on me.” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I didn’t plan to,” Steve replied, leaning up to kiss the spot behind her ear that she seemed to love so much. “Maybe I should join you.” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“You overestimate the capacity of my shower.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Steve smiled, nuzzling into her neck. “I think we can come up with a few ideas to save space.” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“No,” she said, giggling as his beard tickled her sensitive skin. “Steve. If you join me, we’re just going to end up having sex again.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Oh, you’re right. What was I thinking? That would be terrible.” Steve dragged his lips down her neck, wrapping an arm around her to pull her close, but she playfully shoved him away before he could press her against him. In other cases, it would be like attempting to break through a brick wall, but he let her push him back on the sheets. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“You can come with me,” she said once she was in the bathroom, peeking from behind the door that she left ajar. “But you have to keep your hands to yourself.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Steve followed her not much later, but he regretted his decision at the moment his feet touched the wet tray. He thought she would take a quick shower and hop out from under the steaming water before he could start getting ideas, but she wasn’t in a hurry at all. She slowed her movements down when he joined her in the small cabin, delicately touching parts of her body that made Steve’s mouth dry and his palms sweaty. He stared at her without truly realizing what he was doing, his own hands barely moving on his skin. Her name fell from his lips in a husky whisper, leaning closer for a kiss, but she tilted her head away. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“What did I tell you?” She asked, eyebrows raised, but smiling nonetheless. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“To keep my hands to myself,” Steve replied, raising his palms defensively. “I didn’t do anything with them, did I?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She swatted his arm, unable to stifle a chuckle. “You keep every part of your body off me.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She was teasing him into a frenzy and even though he ached deeply to press her up against the wall, he accepted and respected her decision. Besides, a significant part of him that he wasn’t aware of until now, quite enjoyed relinquishing control in these steamy circumstances.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Steve left the bathroom a minute after her, just as she finished buttoning down the navy plaid shirt he wore last night. It was clearly too big for her; long enough that it was left only to his imagination whether she was wearing any underwear or whether she had decided to spend the morning without them.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Did we really sleep together if I’m not wearing your shirt and if you don’t stare at me longingly throughout breakfast?” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Steve glanced away with a sigh, trying to wipe the yearning expression off his face. “And what am I supposed to wear now?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She shamelessly ran his eyes down his body, which was only covered by a towel that he wrapped around his waist. “I really like what you have on right now,” she said, grabbing a fluffy, baby blue bathrobe from an armchair on her way out of the bedroom. “But you can put this on.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Steve ditched the robe and pulled his boxers on, before he went to find her in the kitchen. She smiled at him and he returned the gesture, feeling delighted that he could be with her a little longer.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>When he could, Steve planned every of his moves, but it was always the spontaneous moments like this one that changed his life. He knew calling the one night he spent with someone he barely knew “life-changing” sounded like an exaggeration, stupid even, but he had a good feeling about her—a feeling he couldn’t quite explain. Steve was a slow burn, and he was also a hopeless romantic. While he never believed in love at first sight, he was exceptionally good at reading people. It took him a very short time to decide whether he could ever develop romantic feelings for someone, or it could never become more. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>And he knew how easily he could fall in love with her. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Are you hungry? Because I’m starving,” she asked from the counter, pulling him out of his reverie. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Me too.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“We can get pancakes, or…” she paused, opening cupboards and drawers while Steve picked his jacket up from the couch. Even after all these months, he still unlocked his phone with his heart beating in his throat, fearing what he might have missed. Sometimes he wondered if he could ever truly leave the shield behind, or if he was going to carry its weight for the rest of his life. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Or cereals,” she went on, standing at the opened fridge. “I really need to do groceries.” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Steve walked to her; his steps relaxed and his smile returning after he saw the lack of notifications on the screen. <em>Maybe this is it.</em> Maybe he could finally leave everything behind and focus on the future—something he used to think was out of his reach. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He hugged her from behind, squeezing her a little closer in his arms. “I vote for the pancakes.” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>After two large plates of food, they moved to the couch to finish their morning coffees. While she pulled a blanket over her lap and picked up her phone, Steve took his time to look around the living room. It was filled with warm colours and plenty of natural light, plants under the windows and framed pictures on the shelves. Without doubt, she was a little hectic and messy, but he loved the homely atmosphere of her apartment. The coffee table in front of them was cluttered with flowers in the middle, surrounded by candles, a few magazines with wild animals on their covers, and books on big cat behaviour and climate change education. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Are you… studying animals?” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Asking the question out loud sounded ridiculous. Steve felt so close to her and yet, he didn’t even know what she did for a living. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I’m a zookeeper, actually,” she said, locking her phone and dropping it on top of the small pile of books. “But we have these summer camps for kids where I help out when I can, and since I’ve never learned about these things, I need to catch up.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Do you like it?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I <em>love </em>zookeeping. I know it sounds like a cliche, but on most days, it doesn’t feel like a job at all,” she said, practically beaming. “As for these educational camps… I had my doubts, but it grew on me. Kids love it. They’re here for weeks, having fun around the zoo and they don’t even realize how much they learn about wildlife and environment. It’s great to be a part of it.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Steve didn’t remember the last time he talked to someone who genuinely loved their job so much. It was refreshing listening to her gush about it, with so much adoration and passion that he couldn’t help but smile widely at her enthusiasm. Even when she mentioned the harder days and downsides, it didn’t feel like she was complaining. She seemed to be very grateful to work there, but also very proud of what she had achieved so far.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Sorry,” she laughed, taking a sip of water and clearing her throat. “I don’t want to bore you with random animal facts.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“You are not boring me at all. I just feel stupid because I used to think hippos were kind and harmless creatures.” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“But I barely know anything about you,” she said. “You don’t talk much about yourself.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Steve shrugged. “My life’s been a little uneventful lately.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>At that, they both fell silent while she watched him with a distant smile. Steve could see she was thinking about something hard, squirming in her seat while she struggled with whatever was on her mind. Yet, when she spoke, her tone was calm; playful even.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I have to admit, I didn’t think Captain America would be the one night stand type of guy.” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>One sentence was enough to completely change Steve’s mood. His smile vanished and he cast his eyes down, away from her, shifting uncomfortably on the couch. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“You didn’t seriously think I didn’t recognize you?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p><em>Hoped</em>, maybe. Steve wasn’t naive, but it felt so nice to pretend to be normal. Even if it was only for a short time. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“What’s wrong?” She asked, her tone changing to more concerned once she realized something was seriously bothering him. He didn’t answer; he merely shook his head. “Steve. You don’t think I’ve only slept with you because you are - or were - Captain America?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“No,” Steve said quietly, frowning, before he finally looked up at her. “No, I don’t, I just…” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Once again, the words stuck on his throat. He wasn’t sure how to put his thoughts into words, or how much he could tell about things to her that he rarely shared with anyone else. Perhaps his fears were little nothings to someone else, but they were deeply rooted in Steve, gnawing at him for such a long time sometimes he forgot what his life could be without them. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“What’s wrong?” She repeated, reaching out to brush loose strands of hair out of his forehead. Her hand fell on his shoulder, warm and gentle, comforting him while he collected his trail of thoughts. There was no point in pretending anymore. He might as well actually try trust in his faith. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“It’s just—no one really sees who I am, you know? Before I received the serum, women rarely spared me a glance. I’ve never craved to be popular around them though. I’d have been happy to catch the eyes of one,” he said, making her smile. “But then I got… this and… well I’m not going to lie, I did enjoy the attention, at first. How could I not? I used to feel insignificant and useless and then suddenly everyone wanted me.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Steve turned his head away, but the soft squeeze of her hand was enough to encourage him to continue. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I felt like I got everything I wanted and it still wasn’t enough. I guess I just wanted to love someone who loved me back. But no one cared about me, the real me. I was just Captain America.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I’m sorry, Steve.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He saw the pity in her eyes, and for a moment, he felt even more miserable than before. “No—<em>I am</em> sorry. I didn’t want to ruin the mood like this. And I don’t think you’ve slept with me only because… It’s just very hard to find people who actually want to see <em>me</em>. And not someone else.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Well,” she started with a sigh, a smirk pulling up the corner of her lips. She must have recognized that talking about these things wasn’t easy for him, and instead of pushing him into saying more, she decided to lift some of the weight off his shoulders. “I definitely didn’t see Captain America in the past hours.” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Steve gave a gentle smile, pushing the blanket off her lap and letting his head fall on its place. It was amazing how easily she could change his mood with only a few words. “Who did you see, then?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I saw this really charming guy who’s good at flirting and dancing, even though he thinks he isn’t,” she said, playing with his hair while he ran his hand up and down her bare thigh. “He’s witty and smart, even though he doesn’t know hippos can be savages.” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He laughed, looking up at her while he rubbed his bearded chin against her skin, which made her wriggle under his touch. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“He’s also pretty good in bed.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Just pretty good?” He asked, pushing the hem of her shirt up to reveal a pair of lavender coloured panties. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She hummed, nodding. “I guess I need a little more time to decide how good. But maybe I’ll let him prove himself.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Steve slipped off the couch to kneel between her legs, nudging them apart and pulling her underwear down. He took his time to kiss his way up each of her thighs, slowing down and paying more attention to the spots that made her squirm. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Steve,” she said his name and cupped his cheek, lifting his gaze to meet hers. He straightened up and she leaned down to be closer to him, scratching her fingers through his beard. “I want to see more of you. But you have to let me in, you know that, right?” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Leaning his forehead against hers, Steve gave a slow nod. He wanted nothing more than finding someone he could let in.</p>
</div>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p></p><div class="">
  <p>Long hours passed in the blink of an eye, much to Steve’s disappointment. His tender smile slowly vanished as the last golden rays of the sinking sun streamed through the windows, prompting the end of the day. There was an unexpected drizzle earlier but the sky cleared quickly, leaving nothing but its peculiar earthy scent and fresh breeze in its place. It wafted gently into the room, playing with his already messy, dark blonde locks. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>As Bunny sat between his legs on the soft mattress, leaning against his chest, Steve wished he could paint this moment before it would be gone forever. He would use bold, vivid colours to match the strong emotions he felt in these fleeting seconds. They had spent more time with their clothes off rather than on them, and while those pleasure filled moments were undoubtedly memorable, it was something else that made him wish this day would never end.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He could talk and act around her as if they had known each other since forever, even though they had met less than twenty-four hours ago. Sometimes, Steve realized, it was easier to talk to a stranger. He could have told her <em>anything</em> he wanted; lied and made things up about himself, but he chose to be honest. <em>To be himself.</em> There was no point in pretending around someone he might never see again. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>If he wanted to, he could have told her his fears and his deepest secrets, things that didn’t let him sleep at night, weights he still had to carry on his shoulders. He didn’t need to be afraid that his past would scare her, or that she would judge him—and even if she did, it would be easier to face a stranger’s opinion than a close friend’s. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>There were no commitments, no strings attached, but Steve still decided to spare her from the ugliest details of his life. Some things were better left unsaid, and for once, he wanted to focus on more positive things; on moving on. It felt like he was starting over with a fresh, clean slate. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He pressed a kiss on her bare skin where the shoulder of her loose shirt slipped off of her shoulder, and even without seeing her face, he knew she was smiling. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Steve tried to remember the last time he felt like this around someone - content, calm and filled with warmth - but there was nothing to remember. Not before the war and most definitely not while it was happening. He only had a very few women in his life, and while he had always longed to find “the one”, at the time, other things proved to be more important to focus on. It had only gotten worse after the ice—for long years, he refused to acknowledge there was a possibility of living a normal life and doing normal things such as dating. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p><em>Natasha will be so proud when she hears about this</em>, he thought with a smile, but it melted off his face once he remembered his friend wasn’t there anymore. It had been months since that day, but sometimes it still felt like a punch in the throat. <em>When does it get easier? </em></p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Is there another word for vulnerable? I feel like I’m overusing it,” she broke the silence, stopping typing on her laptop. She had a quite popular blog on animal conservation and the importance of zoos, and while she worked on a new post, Steve enjoyed just holding her in his arms.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He couldn’t speak up, not when grief tightened his throat and burned his eyes with tears that threatened to escape. She must have thought he had fallen asleep because she didn’t ask another question, continuing her article and hitting the keys more carefully than before. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>It took Steve long, tortuous minutes to collect himself, making sure his voice was strong enough to speak. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I wasn’t, by the way.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“You weren’t what?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Earlier you said you didn’t think I’d be the one night stand type of guy. I wasn’t.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I still don’t think you are. I just don’t understand…” She closed her laptop and pushed it away, turning around to sit facing him, cross legged. “If it’s not your thing and if you want more, why did you come home with me last night?” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Steve hesitated, trying to put his thoughts into words. He had more than one answer to her question, all true, but he chose the one he didn’t talk about to anyone else before. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I had this friend I lost last year. She was the first friend I made after I was found in the ice. She would’ve loved you,” he added to lighten the mood, but also because he genuinely thought so. “She was one of the few people who didn’t treat me like the man out of time. It was… the complete opposite. She would annoy the hell out of me sometimes, but I think she just wanted to show me I had a place here. A future.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Back when he barely knew anything about her, Steve used to think Nat and him were completely different. Only when he learned about her past, things she had lost and things she never even had in the first place, he understood they had more in common than he had originally thought. She wasn’t only a friend, she was his family; someone he would have happily sacrificed himself for. On more than one occasion during the past months, Steve wished he could have switched places with her. Natasha was the backbone of the Avengers, or what was left of them, even when Steve wanted to give up. If someone deserved to be here, and have another chance to start a new life, it was her. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“That’s really nice, Steve,” she said with a gentle smile, but worried lines creased her forehead. “I understand you want to honour her memory, but… you aren’t only doing this for her, are you?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“No, of course not,” he replied. “She always tried to convince me to ask someone out, but I never did. Not because I didn’t want to date or I was afraid but…” his voice trembled and he stopped, shaking his head. Thinking back of it now, ready to say it out loud, he felt ridiculous. <em>If only I’d realized all of this sooner. </em>“Dating, getting close to someone—it would have made it all so real. And I couldn’t accept that I had to move on. I refused to admit there was no going back and this was my life now.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Steve paused again, running a hand over his face before he looked into her eyes. He saw empathy in her kind gaze, putting him at ease. “I’m doing this for me. But Natasha was the one who reminded me there’s more to our lives, even though I couldn’t see it back then.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“But you can now?” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Yeah. I can,” he said, before his gentle smile turned into a playful one. “Besides, I’ve always waited for too long and it never did anything good for me. I figured maybe I could try somethin’ else. Have some fun.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“And I was the fun you decided to have?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Steve leaned closer, closer and closer, until she had no choice but fell back on the bed; her laugh echoing in the now dark room, filling his ears. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I didn’t hear you complaining.” He pressed his mouth on her neck, grazing along her jawline, before he kissed her lips slowly, gently. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She smiled softly at him when he pulled back, cupping his cheeks. “I’m happy for you. I know what it’s like… to feel stuck. It’s great that you could take that step.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Steve watched her with curious eyes, questions flashing through his brain. He wondered what she meant by that she knew what it felt like, but before he could ask her, the loud buzzing of her phone interrupted them. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Oh, shit,” she swore after she checked the notification on her phone, tossing it aside and quickly crawling out of the bed. “I’m sorry, Steve. I have to go to work tonight. I switched with one of the guys and I completely forgot about it.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>A little dumbfounded, he watched while she hurried to her wardrobe, pulling clothes off the hangers and throwing them on the bed. “You have to do night shifts?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Only when I’m hand-raising a baby giraffe.” She jumped into a pair of jeans and pulled a navy hoodie over her head, which had a little logo of the zoo printed on its front, above her heart. She caught a glimpse of his doubtful expression, making her chuckle. “I’m being serious. Do you want to come with me?” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“No, it’s okay—I mean, I believe you.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Okay. But how often do you have the chance to see a three month old giraffe up close?”</p>
  <hr/>
</div><div class="">
  <p>They crossed the front gates of the Bronx Zoo a little over a half an hour later. The night was pleasantly warm and they enjoyed taking a walk, even though they couldn’t see much of the exhibitions in the dark. Steve remembered visiting the park before, but it was decades ago, and it used to be considerably smaller. By the time they reached the African Plains, he promised himself he would come back during daytime. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>After she prepared the food and grabbed what looked like an extra large baby bottle, they went to unlock the backdoor of the giraffe’s building. The front was open and the older animals were free to walk as they pleased, but Steve noticed the little one was separated from the others. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“There she is,” she said, nodding at the peacefully sleeping youngling. She quickly scrambled to her hooves once she spotted her caregiver, but she halted and stepped back when her eyes fell on the stranger. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Careful,” she warned, looking back over her shoulder at Steve, who decided to stay behind. “She’s a little shy.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She coaxed the baby back, lifting the bottle up over her head so she didn’t have to lean down while she eagerly drank all of it up. Three month old, and she was already taller than Steve. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“What’s her name?” He asked quietly, careful not to frighten her with his voice. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Nima,” she replied. “It means blessing. The visitors chose it for her.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>The two seemed to be very close to each other. While Nima was scared near Steve, she certainly didn’t feel intimidated at all while she tried to get the now empty bottle out of Bunny’s hand, nudging her arm in the hope of some more delicious food. She talked to her as if she was a human child, feeding her with snacks out of her palm. He couldn’t really explain why, but it was an incredibly heartwarming experience to see them like this.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>As Steve continued watching them in silent awe, he nearly jumped when he felt a breath on the back of his neck, ruffling his hair. He turned around with a thundering heart, but it was only another giraffe who had leaned in from above the fence that separated the others from the baby.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I see you’ve met Emma,” she laughed, approaching Steve. She reached into the small bag she kept in the pocket of her hoodie, pulling out a few slices of apple and giving one to her. “She’s Nima’s mom.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Why isn’t she with her?” Steve asked while she gave him the rest of the fruit, encouraging him to feed her. Emma was hesitant at first, but she happily pulled the food out of his hand with her long, dark tongue, and even let Steve pet her head. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“She didn’t accept her,” she replied, walking back to Nima and stroking the back of her long neck. “Did you know they have seven bones in their neck, just like us?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“What do you mean she didn’t accept her?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I was here when she was born. We waited almost all day, but she didn’t feed her or care for her at all. It happens, especially with inexperienced parents,” she said. “It’s my first time hand-raising a giraffe, by the way.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“And how do you like it?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“It’s easily the favourite part of my job,” she said with a smile that lit up her entire face. “This happens in the wilderness too, but we can’t help them out there. This little cherub would’ve died out there within a day, but here we can give her a chance. I know people think wild animals don’t belong here, but for so many, the zoo is their last refuge.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>They stayed there a little longer while she answered every question Steve had about the giraffes and zookeeping, before they left the building. The bright light of the full moon illuminated the path ahead of them, and as Steve looked up at the clear sky, he noticed this was one of the few places in New York where he could see so many brilliant stars.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“She needs to be fed every four hours, so I don’t think I’ll go home,” she said a little hesitantly, and he could see she was reluctant to say goodbye. “But you can stay, if you want to.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I’d love to.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She drank some coffee in the staff’s kitchen to get her through the night while Steve had one too, more out of habit than because of its effects on him. It was strange to walk around the zoo at these late hours, when only the nocturnal animals left their hiding places. Some parts of the park were eerily silent, but anywhere they went, Steve felt eyes on his back. He wasn’t wrong; after all, they were indeed being watched by predators and other curious species. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>After a little stroll, they settled down on a bench near the lion’s place. The temperature dropped and Steve wrapped his jacket over her shivering form, which seemed to warm her up quickly. </p>
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  <p>“How did you become a zookeeper?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She hesitated for a second before she answered. “The short story is that I’ve volunteered for years, then they offered me a full-time job.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Steve examined her expressions, searching for any sign of discomfort, and even though he found none, he was still careful to ask, “And the long story?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“It involves a bunny and a very controlling boyfriend,” she said, taking a deep breath before she continued. “I’ve been in this relationship… It was my first serious relationship. He was…”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Did he hurt you?” Steve asked when she paused, but she shook her head.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Well, not physically, but…” she stopped again, sighing. “He told me what to wear, who I should be friends with, where I could work at… actually, I wanted to be a veterinarian, but he talked me out of it. He said it wasn’t for me, that I could never get into college anyway, etcetera, etcetera…” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Jesus Christ,” Steve mumbled, frowning. He felt anger bubbling in his chest and he gripped the edge of the bench a little harder. <em>Why would anyone treat another person like that, especially if they claimed to love them? </em></p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She gave a sad smile, before she went on. “I used to work as a waitress at the time when one of my co-workers had little bunnies, and she talked me into bringing one home. Well, you should know that back then, I had to ask Billy’s permission for <em>everything</em>. When I got a pet without asking him… he was so angry. I think he always hated him,” she rolled her eyes, shaking her head. “So one day, by the time I finished at work, my little Maurice was gone. I begged Billy to tell me where he was, but he refused to say a word. It was late at night when he finally admitted he gave him to the local zoo. I came here first thing in the morning, but taking an animal out of the zoo once the papers were signed isn’t so easy. So Maurice stayed and I decided to volunteer to see him sometimes. And I stayed too. That’s when people here started calling me Bunny,” she added with a smile. “Because I was always around them.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Steve tried to force a smile, but it was hard, and he knew it didn’t look honest. His heart ached for her and he was angry that something like this could happen to anyone; let alone to a gentle soul like her. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Did you break up with him after that?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I wish I did. But getting out of a relationship like that isn’t that easy. He wasn’t always like that, you know? Definitely not when we started dating. When he first did something that I now see as a red flag, I was already in love with him. That’s what makes it hard. You don’t stop loving someone only because they hurt you. I forgave him, I made excuses for him… And he pushed my boundaries further and further until I had barely left any.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Steve fell silent, letting her words sink in. He still remembered when all those years ago he had to watch as his father hurt his mother, but until now, he didn’t understand why she never left him. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“So how did it end?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Since she had started talking about her past relationship, this was the first time she seemed distressed. She squirmed, pulling the jacket closer around her body, as if she was expecting it to protect her from something.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“When the Blip happened, Billy disappeared too,” she said, and Steve felt his stomach turn. In a way, it was still heavy to hear how Thanos had affected others; people he didn’t know. “And—well, don’t misunderstand me because I lost friends and family too, but… when things started to settle down, when everyone started moving on… a part of me was relieved.” She looked away, unable to bear his heavy gaze, even though Steve didn’t feel or show any judgment. “When they came back, I was terrified to go home and face him. I was terrified I wouldn’t be strong enough to leave him.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“But you were.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“When I stood there in front of him, for a minute I forgot about the past five years. I still have no idea how I worked up the courage to break up with him,” she said, lifting her gaze at him again. Tears shined in her eyes and when she spoke up again, her voice was trembling. “I know it’s a horrible thing to say and I felt nothing but selfish because of it in the past years, but what happened… those five years… it gave me a chance to start over.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“It isn’t selfish,” he said without missing a beat.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“It is, Steve. I know it is,” she cried, rapidly shaking her head from side to side. It was painful to watch someone so strong and vivacious, teetering on the edge of falling apart, and Steve would have given anything to see her smile again.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“How about I tell you something selfish that I did? Would that make you feel better?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She laughed, wiping tears off her cheeks with the back of her hand. “Maybe.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“When we brought everyone back…” Steve started, only to pause a second later. How was he supposed to explain what happened exactly? It was absurd, even to him, who lived and fought through it all. “I know it sounds unbelievable, but it involved time travel.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Time travel? Like, in Back to the Future?” She asked jokingly, looking surprised but not skeptical.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Something like that.” Steve fell silent, feeling his pulse beat in his throat. Mere hours ago, he thought he didn’t have to be concerned about a stranger’s opinion. Then why did he feel like he had too much to lose? “We had to visit a few places we’ve already been at, years ago. That was when it dawned on me—I could go back. I could just go back to “my time” and stay, and continue my life from when I left it when I crashed the plane,” he said with a sigh; it was his turn to avoid her eyes. “So I did. When all was done, I went back to find the woman I used to love.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Then why are you here?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Steve shrugged. “I wasn’t sure what I should say to her in the first place. At the time, she thought I was dead. Everyone did. So I took a big walk around the city, visited all those familiar places I used to love. It felt good, at first. But it was nostalgic. By the time I was sitting at Peggy’s house I… I don’t know. I guess I realized it was no longer my home. And I wasn't the person who she was looking for, either. Not anymore.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>When Steve reminisced that day, it felt like it had happened a lifetime ago. He wasn’t sure what he was thinking when he decided to leave everything behind and go back, but he knew he was convinced that it was the only way for him to be happy. All of his beliefs were crushed within only a few hours, while he was there and he never once thought about it as his present. Everything felt strange. Distant. Wrong. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>His heart swelled with sorrow when he recognised that this was his final goodbye. He knew a part of him would always long for the past, the time and people he lost, but he no longer belonged there. His home was <em>here</em>, in the present. It was only up to him now what he would make out of it, but he was sure of one thing: he couldn’t move on with the shield on his back.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“But… you’re here,” she said with a confused frown.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Yeah. I came back and the first thing I did was to pass the mantle to someone else.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She let out a long breath. “Oh, Steve. You don’t think you’re selfish because of that, do you?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Steve opened his mouth to argue, to tell how he still questioned himself every single day, but he changed his mind and stayed quiet. She would disagree, tell him that he was nothing but selfless, but she could never convince him. Just as he could never convince her, either. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He looked at her; a sympathetic smile pulling on the corner of his lips. “I am. I know I am.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She watched him, concerned and hurt, before she glanced away with a resigned sigh. They sat quietly, staring off into the distance and listening as the wind gently blew through the leaves. Steve knew what was on her mind, because it was the same thing he was thinking of too. It was unfair—how getting a chance to leave their past behind made them feel like they were doing something wrong. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I guess we’re always harder on ourselves, aren’t we?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She didn’t give an answer, her eyes fixated on a spot somewhere far away. Another long minute passed in silence before she finally spoke up, turning back to him.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“You’ve done so much for us, Steve. I’m sure I don’t know half of it. And I can’t even imagine how exhausting it was both physically and mentally. It isn’t a nine-to-five job. It’s a full commitment and you have given up everything for it. How could anyone expect you to do something like that for the rest of your life?” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Steve cast his eyes down. He read articles and comments on the internet; he knew exactly what most people expected of him, and it wasn’t retirement. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Yes, the world needs Captain America,” she went on; her voice quiet and sweet. “But it doesn’t have to be you.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He smiled as her words filled him with warmth and for a moment, the weight of his decision stopped gnawing at his stomach. Even if it only gave temporary solace, he was keen to embrace every little moment of it. He reached his arm out to wrap it around her shoulders, and she immediately shifted closer to rest her head on his shoulder. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“You are not a bad person for feeling relieved that you could escape someone who caused you nothing but pain, you know that, right? He was the one who made it nearly impossible to leave in the first place. It’s not on you.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She gave a small nod, or maybe she just nuzzled closer for more warmth; Steve wasn’t sure. He hoped he could give her some comfort, and that one day, she would see what he was seeing now.</p>
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